When we moved to Rosemount, we knew we wanted kids. So we found a neighborhood with parks, sidewalks and the hope of lots of young families. And that was definitely what we got.
When we moved to the lake, we knew we wouldn’t have the same environment, but the experience and dream of living at the lake made it ok to sacrifice that. There are still kids around, but not as many as there were before. And when you live in a neighborhood where all the kids are outside playing all the time, you tend to make friends just by seeing people at the same places at the same time.
As the kids got older, the friend paradigm shifted a bit. You tend to become friends with the parents at sports. Because you see them more than you see anyone else. It’s not that it’s necessarily a friendship of convenience, but it can be.
Now, when I was younger, and living in a different neighborhood, I was always wandering around meeting and talking to people. My friends always made fun of how many people I knew. But here, I haven’t felt that same draw to know everyone. I have met a great handful of people, but not like before.
And I’m completely ok with this.
I have found, especially since COVID, that I am more hesitant and less eagar to meet new people. I am content with those that I already know, but at 41, meeting new people feels like so much work. There’s so much more backstory, life, details you want to know, that I want to make sure these people I am investing all this time into are ones I want to hang out with for the long run.
I have met a few great ladies lately and I almost tear up at the great friendships I know I am building with them. They aren’t right across the street like they used to be (which I miss so much after hanging out with a friend recently at their house where we used to hang all the time or meeting some of them for a walk or lunch). But it fills my heart and makes me so happy.
I’ve been feeling like I need more deep connections with people. Superficial friendships don’t fill my cup like they used to. I’m fine with not knowing everyone at school, not volunteering everywhere, chatting up everyone I see. I am content with that. But these new, deeper friendships (and my long-time ones that I cherish so much) are what are fueling me right now. I love having lunch with long-time friends and skipping the small talk and jumping right into the deeper stuff, the feelings, the things are kids are going through…it’s just so wonderful.
I’m also an over-sharer and an open book. And it’s actually been a pretty good way to weed people out. Some people can handle it, some people can’t. :)
Overall, I am very happy with the friendships I am making here in our new home. I know there will be more to come and I am looking forward to that, but at this stage in my life, I want to make sure I am spending the time and energy on people that will be part of my life for many years to come.
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- Do you feel like you need something different in friendships than you used to?
- Are some of your core group of friends ones you know from your kids’ sports activities?
- Do you have a variety of friend groups?
- Have you found getting older changes your friendship dynamics/needs?